THIS IS THE WORLD CHARLIE KIRK WANTED
About a week ago, Charlie Kirk died. He was shot from a range of about 140 yards by, as far as prosecutors know, a Mauser Model 98, .30-06 caliber bolt-action rifle with a mounted scope. According to...
View ArticleYOU’RE NOT GETTING A HOTEL IN SPACE
Some time in the middle of last year, news started circulating about a new “space hotel” called Voyager Station. As usual, the reporting on this so-called space hotel was completely credulous. I...
View ArticleLET’S TALK ABOUT “BREAD AND CIRCUSES”
If you’re as perpetually online as I am, you’ve probably run across the phrase “bread and circuses” before, usually in the form of sports-hating edgelords posting memes like this: Sometimes the phrase...
View ArticleWHAT THE FUCK IS PROCESSED FOOD?
This is a post I’ve been meaning to write for a while, but it’s come up again recently in light of walking worm habitat Robert Kennedy Jr. being nominated to lead the Department of Health and Human...
View ArticleTHERE IS NO WORST-CASE SCENARIO
Well, here we are again. Eight years ago, I told you that no one cares that you’re sad. That you needed to contribute to non-profits and journalism in order to fight what Donald Trump was about to do....
View ArticleBREAKING DOWN THE STUPIDEST CHRISTMAS AD ON TV
I don’t watch a lot of TV with ads. Either I stream stuff or I pirate it. Except for live sports. I watch a lot of live sports, and the…
View ArticleDON’T GET TOO EXCITED ABOUT NUCLEAR FUSION
This breakthrough is checking the first box of many, many, many boxes that have to be checked before a viable fusion reactor can exist. Here's what you need to know.
View ArticleIT DOESN’T MATTER WHETHER A FETUS IS A PERSON
Housekeeping update since it’s been a million years since I’ve written anything: I own a house now and there’s a baby on the way. I’m like a fully formed grownup.…
View ArticleWHY THE FLIKR PORTABLE FIREPLACE IS A STUPID IDEA
It's essentially a concrete cup that you put flammable liquid in, then light on fire inside the comfort of your own living room. If that sounds like a terrible idea, you're right!
View ArticleTHE TESLA CYBERTRUCK LUNAR ROVER IS DUMB AS HELL
Basically, any dumbass with CAD software can throw together a concept of whatever deranged idea, and then I feel compelled to ruin it.
View Article6 FOODS YOU’RE COOKING WRONG
I was poking around the internet, as one does, when I ran across an article entitled “Nine Ways You’re Cooking Pasta Wrong.” That seemed like a lot of ways to mess up a dish that’s often prepared by...
View ArticleTHE CHRISTIAN COOPER SITUATION IS NOT THAT SIMPLE
With all the recent history of white people who apparently have a problem with black people existing near them, it's not a ridiculous leap in logic to assume that that's what happened here. But it's...
View ArticleCHINA WANTS TO PUT A SOLAR FARM IN SPACE BECAUSE NONE OF THEM READ MY BLOG
Remember four years ago when I wrote a blog about how space-based solar power is a terrible idea and won't work? Now, Engadget is reporting that China wants to do exactly what I was talking about in...
View ArticleARE MILLENNIALS KILLING THE SUNDIAL INDUSTRY?
According to an article in The Telegraph, sundials are at risk of dying out. This will come as shocking news, no doubt, to anyone that thought sundials had already died out, which is everyone.
View ArticleMEGHAN TRAINOR’S PR PEOPLE HAVE LOST THEIR MINDS
It's no secret on this blog that I'm not a fan of Meghan Trainor. She's supremely annoying at best and promoting unhealthy body image lessons at worst. But this new press release of hers is beyond the...
View ArticleTOM BRADY IS A BEAUTIFUL IDIOT
Before I dive in, I want to get some things out of the way. First, Tom Brady is a beautiful man, or so I’m told. And you know what? I can see it. Look at him. He looks like he’s paralyzed from the neck...
View Article19 REASONS THIS “SURVIVAL” STORY SMELLS FISHY
Have you missed me? Trick question; I know you’ve missed me. Frankly, the main reason I haven’t been writing is laziness. I make no bones about it. The second reason is that I got hit by a car in April...
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WHY ARIAN FOSTER CAN’T FIGHT A WOLF
I know what you’re thinking, and what you’re thinking is, “What the fuck are you talking about? How did that even come into your head?” In my defense, he started it. For those out of the loop, that’s...
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NO ONE CARES THAT YOU’RE SAD
It’s over. The oath has been taken, the barrier fences will soon be broken down and put in storage, and the police will go back to their normal shifts. There are no more appeals, no more recounts, no...
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13 NEW RULES FOR AIR TRAVEL
In the last year, I have made ten trips that required air travel. I have flown something like 100,000 miles and spent roughly the entirety of my adult life in layovers. If I had kids, I would have...
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